Choosing to believe.

I admit today that i struggle with the act of tithing. I tithe every time i get paid and i choose to believe that i am going to reap benefits and that God is going to supply my needs. My family is one that lives to pay check to pay check. We try to save money but there is always some unexpected expense that robs us of saving anything before the week ends. We have a long list of things that we could stand to purchase like a new washer and dryer, a new stove, a new fridge etc. But instead the money is used little by little here and there. And its not like we go out and eat every night, in fact, i work full time and unlike most modern mothers, i cook a dinner 7 days a week. Of course the benefit of that is that we all get to sit down together as a family and talk about our day, but even then im so exhausted its hard for my brain to function much past "pass the salt please, and thats awesome baby!"

So yesterday i received my check and it was not too big, i am struggling with giving my tithe today because last week i had to borrow 30$ to make it through the week. Where was my financial blessing last week when i needed my tank filled? i make a budget every paycheck, but unfortunately you cant account for unexpected medical expenses that came up for me. Turns out I have high blood pressure issues...go figure?! might it have something to do with everyday life and responsibilities upon my head ive made my body freak out permanently? (i work out 5 days a week, 2 hours at a time, run 2 miles a day, and do weights as well)
Either way, that extra 30$ that i had put aside for gas went towards a copayment for the dr visit and 15 for the new medicine.

So here i stand with 100 something dollars that im supposed to give to my church and frankly i dont want to....when i did tithe, i did not have enough. Where was my sowing and reaping? But is tithing all about what God will compensate me with for doing the right thing? am i living by the spirit of the law or the letter of the law here? obviously its something that I AM not doing right...

There are people out there that some to the church with a need and because of my obedience to the Word they are able to get the help they need. I see so many people around me that DONT tithe and have all their needs met. I feel its unfair. I feel like doubting Thomas right about now...

I know God is real and i know God supplies my needs, im afraid to choose to NOT tithe this week and then not make it through the week anyway, and then also feel like i disobeyed God. I know God shines his light on the righteous and the unrighteous but i dont want to be like the Israelite's going around a mountain for 40 years! :(

The bottom line is i have to choose to have faith or not. I have to choose to obey or not. I have to choose to believe or not. i cant base this decision based on my reward of expecting to receive something from God. His Kingdom works the opposite of the World, we sow and then we reap, we dont reap and then if we have leftovers we sow. oy vey!


if you read this, please pray i have the faith to move into what God wants me to do, ask him to change my heart, and make it clear to understand. Tell him to help me stop being doubting thomas and help me stop looking at Southwood every morning and not feel jealous of their big spacious homes....lol!


In the end, i know God is going to see me through the doubt as he has seen me through many other things i have struggled with and have now, with his wisdom, grace and strength, have overcome. I can look back and see myself sweating over such a silly thing. Thank God he is great and wise.


Anyways, this was just me sharing the real me..any other doubting thomases out there?

Busy Bee..

I have been extremely busy with life that i havent had a chance to come in and write. I am trying to be diligent in my writing, but life takes presedence, no excuses right?
 Between my now teenagers birthday (he turned 13) and a friends birthday all on the same weekend, I am exhausted! But I cant complain, Im blessed with wonderful friends and family. It seems like just yesterday I took this picture with him...

My little man

Hes grown up to be such a little kind young man.

On another note, our cruise trip quickly approaches! Its hubby and I's first cruise. We have been working hard on shedding some pounds since April of this year and although i wish we could have lost more, I am proud to announce that ive lost 42 lbs so far!

After Fridays birthday party for my teenager, Saturday we went out to dinner and then did some dancing all night in celebration of my girlfriend/coworkers 29th birthday (happy birthday Hagar!!)

Out on the town with friends.





Lately I havent been going to church as often as I should to stay refreshed in my spirit. I dont feel like Ive strayed from God, don't get me wrong but i do need to fellowship more. I need to change that because when I dont go to church and hear the word, my old self tends to rear its ugly head. I do still have a relationship with God and we speak daily in the morning, and through out the day but I'm missing that fire. I must get back to the basics. More to come....

Philippians 4:8 () 8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. #Bible http://j.mp/rQeyCf

Sometimes our plans are not Gods plans..

     Over the weekend I didn't do a whole lot, at least I don't feel like I did a whole lot. First off,  it was raining on and off pretty much all weekend, which its not bad in itself, in fact its great writing time but since I wasn't planning on writing a whole lot since the kids came back home Friday from their dads home, it kind of threw a wrench on ALL my plans. It started Friday evening, I wanted to take them to the movies, but the movie, which was a children's movie, wasn't going to play until 10:45 pm. (who does that? my 7 year old cant stay up that late!) so we squashed that plan, instead, I rented movies and bought pizza.

     Saturday morning my daughter wakes up with a fever, so she couldn't attend her soccer match. And then it started to rain in the afternoon, and since she was already sick I didn't want to take her out to get groceries. And of course, the park plan for the evening was out of the question (this was my time to squeeze in my writing, hoping to find inspiration in the sunset) so that didn't happen. At this point my brain was just trying to adjust to the fact that all my plans had changed. Having ADD, I spent most of my day trying to take it easy instead but in the back of my head I just felt very unproductive, so instead I ended up doing some laundry.

   Sunday morning we get up and start getting ready for church, but my little girl woke up with a fever, so instead of church I spent the morning in Urgent Care. Turns out, she has strep throat (I feel an itch on my throat just thinking about it...) then ran to the pharmacy to get antibiotics, and since I was already out and it wasn't raining I dragged her to the grocery store in her pajamas and bunny slippers and bought a few groceries. When we finally did get home, (spent half the day between doctors, pharmacy, and grocery store) I started lunch, then cleaning the kitchen, then off to do more laundry, and when I did sit down with hubby and write, my brain just couldn't find a place to start writing, let alone a quiet place at home...all three TVs were going at some point. (I need a woman cave..or a writing cave, or a fox hole..lol) Either way, in the end, the Dr said no school for my midget (my favorite nickname for her) and that meant no work for me.  So here I am, Monday morning at home with a sick little girl, and a quiet home where I can finally collect my thoughts.

      In retrospect, I enjoyed every minute with my children and husband while we watched movies and ate the yummiest pizza in town. I have to say that I have new found respect for Katy Perry, yes I said it. My daughter wanted to watch the movie/documentary and shes a nice weird girl whose heart was broken. Normally I cringe at her name, I have an issue with pop stars, but at least she doesn't cuss in her songs. I just wished my brain accepted change a little better, because not being able to do what was on my list gave me a feeling of restlessness, of no closure, like I have to do everything next weekend, throwing me off again. Maybe I'm a little OCD...okay not maybe. Its just that as a mother and leader of this team there are things that need to be done otherwise things do not run smoothly all week. Its like a little dark cloud following me around, kicking all the way until next weekend. Writing makes it all better, and thank you for taking the time to read my blog, wont you make a comment or give me an encouraging word if you would like for me to write about something in particular? I love a good soapbox. :)
  So where is God in all of this? well he was everywhere of course! He is the wrench in my plans, His word says in Proverbs 16:9,

"In his heart a man plans his course,

but the Lord determines his steps." 

During the week i couldn't WAIT for Friday 5pm, so that I could pick up my kids, and head home to rest with them. And yet, I had a long list of things I was going to do.Sooo, he brought a little rain, and made me stay home to take care of a sick little girl. Perhaps, if it was a clear day, I would have overseen my daughter being sick, perhaps I would have been going and going and going, like I usually do, instead of resting.And gotten sick myself? No, I don't believe God made my daughter sick, I do think he allowed it. Perhaps if she didn't get sick this time around her immune system wouldn't be strong enough for the next virus down the road. I don't know the answer to all these little things God allows to happen in our lives, but I do know, in his infinite wisdom and love he allows some things that seem like bad things to happen so that he teaches or prevents us from something along the way. My favorite verse says in Romans 8:28,

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose"

 I'm going to get sidetracked for a just a moment:

how do you know if you've been called according to his purpose? We all have, the question is, will you believe and accept the bible as truth for you here and now? if you do, then all you have to do is believe and confess with your mouth (say it out loud in your own words) that you believe Jesus is real and that He died for you on the cross for your sins. Its simple, God loves you that much, he made it easy for us to receive the gift of eternal life. (John 3:16, Romans 3:10, Romans 10:9)

Personally I am grateful that I can live in freedom knowing that even when MY plans don't come through, God always does. He has every day planned out for me, as long as Im willing to live in relationship with him, he has plans for me to succeed. Ill share one more word with you: Psalm 139:1-18

O Lord, you have searched me

and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise;

you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down;

you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue

you know it completely, O Lord

You hem me in—behind and before;

you have laid your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,

too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit?

Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;

if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,

if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,

your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me

and the light become night around me,”

even the darkness will not be dark to you;

the night will shine like the day,

for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

your works are wonderful,

I know that full well.

My frame was not hidden from you

when I was made in the secret place.

When I was woven together in the depths of the earth,

your eyes saw my unformed body.

All the days ordained for me

were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them,

they would outnumber the grains of sand.

When I awake,

I am still with you. 

P.S don't forget to say hi on the comment section, I just want to know who is listening :) Thanks!

 

God is up to something...

    Hes back! My life is back to my beautiful normalcy. :) I arrived home Monday evening from work and after not seeing my husband  for 5 whole days I found him relaxing in our bedroom watching football. (one of those things I said i missed about him) We talked and talked, we went out to dinner, and talked some more. I missed that so much! He told me all about his trip to Puerto Rico, and the interesting people he met, the yummy food he ate, and all the hard work he put into his trip.

    Today I want to share with you how God works all things for our good (Romans 8:28) Even though I miss hubby terribly when he is gone, I can appreciate the time he is gone now, its almost like God brings healing into an area of my life every time. God always has a plan to grow, restore, or renew me in a new and different way, every time. it NEVER fails. :) 
  So the first business trip he went on was to North Carolina back in 2010, and the LORD called me into a fast around the same time he was leaving. God had been dealing with me in this one area of my life (which I struggled with since my teenage years on and off) at the time. A few days into my fast I had been feeling  oppression upon me. All around my home I felt afraid, one night in particular I was at home and I'd just finished praying in my room about that fear that was very real and almost tangible in my home. I got up from the floor and seconds later I heard a very loud crash in my living room...I was petrified, so I called my husband.
  From my room it sounded like something had been knocked down. I was very hesitant to check the situation out, because I was alone, and nothing to defend myself with! (for the first time in my life I wished I owned a gun) imagine my fear.... so I'm on the phone with my husband, I slowly open the door to my bedroom, and stepped into my living room slowly, it turns out, my entire shelf above my television decided to fall THAT night, right AFTER I finished praying. For the skeptic, this is just coincidence, but I know it was the enemy wanting to make himself manifest to scare me further. That shelf had been installed a while back, it never gets touched, it just had a couple candles and a floral arrangement from our wedding. That night the enemy was determined to scare me and he did.
    My heart was pounding when I saw what had happened, it made no sense, there was no reason why that shelf fell that night, then the Holy Spirit prompted me to start speaking my authority over this demonic force that was clearly in my home. I started with asking out loud for the help of the Holy Spirit, I rebuked the enemy, by the authority given to me through Jesus Christ, I spoke the blood of Jesus in my home, around my property, and I called the angels that God assigns to protect us to move into position to fight on my behalf. And just to make sure, I prayed for my husband in N.C and my children, who were with their father that night. Then I anointed my home with oil, every door post, every window, every room, and even myself.  Now many of you may never experience seeing actual demonic activity in your life because that is not something God needs you to experience (you can thank him now), but this is something God has gifted/chosen me to experience for HIS glory and the deliverance of many. Here is a little background info:

What is the gift of DISCERNMENT?
In I Corinthians 12:10 it says, “and to another distinguishing between spirits” (NIV) Discernment means to be able to distinguish between right and wrong, good and evil. It is having a logical, judicial ability to think through issues. It is the ability to “discern” whether  a saying, teaching, doctrine, written word, or event is good or evil; true or false; and if the source, meaning or intentions are of God, the person or Satanic deception.  There is an ability to “read between the lines” and get to the truth of an issue. The“gut” tells them when something doesn’t seem to be right. There is an urgency to pray and ask for wisdom.

Source:  http://spiritualgifts.wordpress.com/2007/04/14/do-you-have-the-spiritual-gift-of-discernment/

     So now that we have that cleared up, due to the calling the LORD had placed on my life, I always had a curiosity about spiritual matters, good and evil. Not to mention that there were generational curses in my family that automatically tied me to witchcraft. This was not my first demonic manifestation, I had experienced other situations scarier than this. The enemy came to kill and destroy, and he is the father of lies, and whenever God creates something, he likes to twist things, and that is exactly what he did with my gifts for a long time. I have several family members who were involved in some form of witchcraft or another so naturally, the enemy had territory in my life so I was inclined and exposed to Wicca and other forms of witchcraft prior to serving God. I was well aware that this was another way the enemy was trying to scare me. But God always has a perfect plan for our lives. :)

    God is so wonderful how He plans everything to fall into place for us, my hubby leaving to North Carolina, God prompting me a few days prior to start a fast, falling into a depression for the first 3 days, and on the 3rd night of him being out of town, I went into spiritual warfare (due to incident) with the tools my church, the Word, and the Holy Spirit had taught me, I was able to have that spirit of fear broken off me that same night. For the first time since my husband left to North Carolina, I slept through the night and there was peace in my home.

    As I was entering this blog this afternoon, I met up with hubby to have lunch and he told he is going to the Virgin Islands next month.. haha! I don't know how long or when just yet, but I do know one thing, God is up to something wonderful again.

For now, I'm off to enjoy my time with my wonderful husband. Be Blessed!

I was looking through old pictures...

Ive been going through old pictures to add pages to my scrapbooks (i have one for each one of my family members) and I found this picture of my mami with her fiancé. She looks so happy here doesn't she? :) I started looking for pictures of just my kids, next thing you know, I've got a pile of pictures for each family member and boxes all around me with thousands more...guess I need to get organized. I blame it on my ADD. :)
That's it for this entry, ill be back once i finish up these new pages on my scrapbook. Be blessed!

How is the family doing?

This is my  little family. I am such a blessed girl!

    Hi! its been a long while, about a year now since Ive written on this page. I have been browsing some blogs and felt a little inspiration so i decided to come say hello.

    So my hubby has been gone on a business trip to Puerto Rico now for a couple days (lucky guy) and will be returning in a few more days but I am missing him terribly! I miss his scent, his smile, his great big hugs, and other things about him.

I LOVE THIS MAN! He is gorgeous to me. And he plays a mean Saxophone :)

There are many little details I could share today but I dont want to create the really long blog today. (this will be hard for me)

So how is life going?

Things are great, i cannot complain. Hubby bought me a new car a month ago, its my dream car, its black and its sexy :) My son who is about to turn 13 (when did THAT happen?!) is such a great kid, he is too old play soccer or basketball with the other groups so he is now doing volunteer work instead. He started attending the daycare portion of the YMCA when we first arrived to where we currently live when he was just 2 years old. He is now turning 13 and volunteering there. The YMCA has practically raised my child. Aside from that, he just started 7th grade in a new school and has joined band and learning how to play the trombone and in drum line he plays bass drum. He is loving every minute of it, and I am just excited to see what else is in store for him.

Hes so cute, i call him my buddy.

As for my beautiful daughter, she is 7 years old but has an old soul as they say, She is insightful, clever, and did i mention beautiful? I can speak to her about anything and she understands things on a level that makes me want to sit and just watch her live life, its very exciting to me. Today she had her 2nd Soccer game, and I made sure I brought her plenty of snacks and cold water. I was feeling under the weather today but I still made it to her game and caught up with her dad and her. She is my beautiful love (for those of you that dont know, her name means beautiful love) I watched her run, i watched her plan her attack and maneuver that ball to her teammates, and i was very proud. I am just a proud mommy all around, God just blessed me with wonderful children, and its not just me who sees this, others mention how wonderful they are, and i just cant take the credit, its all God. He placed those wonderful little souls in them, i just took his tools and shape the way for them.

i just love that little smile.

Buddy and our baby dog Frida.

     So that's whats happening with my family, it doesn't seem like a lot is going on, but there are so many little lessons going on daily, from getting up with the right attitude, to managing our time, spending quality time with one another, hearing and doing Gods will to love one another (this can be harder than it seems sometimes...) to budgets and grocery shopping. I'm thankful for all the little things in my life and the biggest ones being my little family. The busier you are the quicker the time goes by, but i wouldn't have it any other way.  I'm thankful for it all! :)
     So whats next? Well, today starts my favorite season for starters! Fall is FINALLY here, and that means I can start baking all kinds of yummy cakes, brownies, and muffins, yummy!
It also means i can start decorating my home with fall items, ill have to start planning costumes, buying pumpkins, I can start pulling our winter clothes and start putting away the summer clothing (although who am I kidding, i live in Florida, i doubt its going to get cold tomorrow...haha)  Ill be back and share next time. Be blessed!

 

I am a Liar.

Yesterday I started to read the book "30 days to taming the tongue" and the first day has already pierced me and greatly convicted me. Every time I lied God would make me aware of it as soon as I stopped speaking,
and I would say sorry, but then go about my business as usual. But something started to happen. The Spirit started to really deal with me. I prayed that he would reveal to me the hidden dark things in my heart. I knew
that someone cannot produce "sweet water, and bitter water" from the same place. But I didn't think lying was really an issue for me. I was so wrong. This is what the Holy Spirit revealed.


"The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." -Proverbs 21:22.


God in his patience and tender mercy had been tugging at my heart about lying but I wasn't really listening even though I was praying that He would reveal areas of my life that needed to be surrendered to Him. For That I have had to repent. You might ask why I'm even sharing this with you, and there are two reasons, one is I feel God is saying I am not the only one that lies this way without giving it much thought, and It's time to
change iif we want a closer walk with the Father, and second, this is my way of putting into practice what God has said in James 5:16  "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person,
sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. -James 3:6

Upon reading it pierced my heart like never before because this time the Spirit brought to my memory the previous day and the two lies I told. The sad part about this whole thing is that I didn't lie for any other reason other than to possibly avoid hurting someone's feeling, or avoid some awkward moment. This is what is commonly called as a "white lie"and the world is the one who has determined that it's okay to lie to
protect something or someone from getting hurt. But God tells us in Romans 12:2,

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

But how can our minds be transformed? And why wasn't my mind being transformed?
Romans 8:6 says,
"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. Verse 9 says, "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you."

So the problem wasn't that I wasn't praying or reading the Word, but it was my surrendering to the Spirit that I was missing out on because He lives IN me, but I wasn't allowing Him to work IN me. He kept showing me, and I kept saying I was sorry, but that was not enough. I had to understand that the Spirit was the only one that would be able to help me to overcome this problem, but I had to recognize that I had a problem
first. Who wants to admit that they are liars? I didn't. But it's the truth. I am a liar, and that's why Jesus came to die for me.  Revelations 21:8 says, "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the
murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters AND ALL LIARS-their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."
I didn't understand the severity of my "little sin" after all, everyone lies. But God is a Just and Holy
God, and this is the standard that we need to look at ourselves in, not human standard. I needed to stand before the mirror of Gods perfect law and then, and only then would I see myself the way God sees me, and the way I truly am. A transgressor.

You may think that God isn't taking note of every little lie we say, but Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have
spoken." Now I know we are not under the law anymore, but just because we are walking in grace doesn't mean we can just sin, and ask for forgiveness and think everything is okay. We are held to a higher
standard now, we are children of the Most High, and as such we need to walk with integrity, pursuing righteousness, and with a humble heart. God is looking for pure hearts and I am looking for God to give me just that.

     Father God, I thank you for shedding light into my darkened heart, for only you know everything that's inside. I thank you for sending your Son Jesus to die for all my sins; I thank you for your mercy and for your Holy Spirit who reveals all things. God help me to continue to walk in the words of Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." And help me to hide your word in my heart
so that I might not sin against you. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.







Written by: Melba Phillips

O’ God, You are my hearts cry
Let me be swept away in your majesty
In your mercy let me be lifted higher.

I long to be consumed by you my King
You are my hearts desire
You are the one I long to touch.

May your Spirit consume me
May I ascend into your presence Father.

Be gracious to me O’ God
For every breath comes from you
And for your glory!

I long to see your face and touch your heart with my love
Obeying you is my delight Father

Wont you take me to your Holy mountain?
Where it will only be you and me alone
Dancing to the tune of your love

Showered in your peace O” my King
My heart longs to be before your throne
And under the shadow of your wings

I choose to take your hand Father
for you are the lover of my soul
Nothing satisfies like you do O’ God.

I am in awe and
Humbled in the knowledge of your great and infinite love for me.
All consuming love, purify me!

You are the light of my path and
My strength to move forward.

You’re the light to my eyes and
The truth that I seek day and night.

May I be led by your Spirit and
not the darkness of this world
For you are the great I am.

My banner in time of battle.
I will not fear anything
If you’re by my side O' God

Armed with your sword and your love
I will walk closer to you each day.

Those that do not know you
Do not understand you
But I am one of the chosen few
Chosen to worship, love and serve you
forever.

Take my heart Father
and dwell in this temple.