God speaks Everyday

Padded Room with a View: Was Lost but Now am Found?

2011-11-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

Padded Room with a View: Was Lost but Now am Found?: I remember sitting in the chair in my parents’ living room, a couple of days out of the hospital, and listening as my Pastor told me that I ...

Exodus Cry | A Prayer Movement To End Slavery and Human Trafficking

2011-11-04T09:47:00.000-07:00

Exodus Cry A Prayer Movement To End Slavery and Human Trafficking

The Pendulum swings

2010-11-02T19:02:00.000-07:00

Im soon to be 34 years old, and its got me thinking about some things. And its got me feelings some ways. I dont think that its a bad thing to be turning 34 dont get me wrong. In fact, I like the idea of aging, because with aging comes wisdom, at least thats what Ive heard, and experienced some of it as well. When I was 24, I was a wild thing, married, but nonetheless wild. I lived in Miami, I partyied on the weekends, drank alot, smoked some, and popped as many pills as I wanted. After all I was a responsible adult, having fun with the man I was in the relationship with.

But then something happened, I got pregnant. I remember the day I had the thought that I might be pregnant. I was feeling nauseated at the smell of cigarrettes, which was VERY strange, because before that, I loved smoking cigarrettes. Flash forward to today, I am in a 2 year marriage, with a just-turned-eleven year old son. A beautiful little 5 year old girl. And a man who I adore, and drives me crazy in a good way...most of the time.

When I am not happy, I make it known. I make it difficult to live with. Nothing satisfies me, nothing you can say or do, is good enough. I am impossible to deal with. The thing is, I am very well aware that I can be a royal brat to say the least. As you may have read in the past, I am very opinionated about a lot of things and I am as opinionated about myself, my husband gives me too much credit, he tries to make me feel better about myself even when I am impossible to deal with. I am self-depricating, I am my own worst enemy in other words. No one needs to tell me what an ugly person I am, because I am well aware of it.

The point of this blog? I am like this in all my relationships. And I think its time to talk about it, and its time to analyze it, and its time to dissect these behaviors in hopes to resolve, and change for the better. Im good at resolving issues..
For starters, I didnt have the best example parents, in fact, they fought constantly, at least from what I can remember. I remember the worst, more than the best. But I am not here to talk about them, Im here to talk about me, but I did have to note that.

I am difficult woman to please...I know what you're thinking, all women are difficult to please. I am NOT all women, and I dont want you to think you've figured me out...but the thing is, when my husband and I argue, I see him, and treat him as if he was EVERY guy I have gone out with and has mistreated me, or not loved me, or no understood me, or not raised me right, or not communicated with me enough, or rejected me, or used me, do you see the double standard here?...thats just one layer. When we get into a disagreement, this wonderful man that God gave me, becomes every guy that I went out with. And this man can communicate! He is very much in touch with his emotions, he is a real man. Hes not afraid to feel. His momma and Jesus taught him that. He is intelligent and well spoken with an extensive vocabulary. If I say, leave me alone right now, you know what he does? he leaves me alone, but not only that, when I am ready to talk I can come to him, hug him, and say I am sorry, he doesnt sit there and sulk, and shuts me out, in fact he does just the opposite, he hugs me, and gives me love. My husband is a unique man, God made him just for me.

God gave him patience, a lot of it! Im serious, a Pastor actually prophesied that God gave him the gift of patience just for me, because I needed that, it was a GIFT for me. I agree. Completely. This week hasnt been such a good week for either of us. Why you ask? because I have been in fighting mode. This week is the reason for THIS blog. I am broken, I know this, but to what extent? I dont know, all I know is that I am about to turn 34 and I have been reflecting on the last 34 years, I am about to outlive Jesus on earth, I am about to be 6 years away from turning 40 years old. And What is my conclusion? I am broken, and I have been broken for a long time.

The questions is, how did i get broken? Was I born broken? yeah. When Adam and Eve decided to turn away from God, I became broken, broken in my mothers womb. Thats the first crack, from there, I suppose it would be from my first example of what a man should be. Does the knowledge that my daddy didnt meet me, until I was about 4 months old affect me in some way? perhaps.
Does the fact that my daddy physically fought with my mother have anything to do with it? yes.
Or maybe its the time when I was 13 and swore to myself that I would never allow a man to step all over me, and at the first sign of it, I would leave. Since my mother stayed in that relationship for so long, I learned that you are only a victim for so long and my mother made choices that affected me longer that it should have.

I love my daddy and I went through years of therapy to deal with all my childhood issues. But the biggest issue here is, love. I have never known true love. When broken people love, their love is also broken. Their love is cracked, stained, and it bruised me deeply. I have dated boys, who claimed they loved me, but to me they were commodities to me. They gave me something that I wanted at the time. So I didnt really know what love was until I met a man named Jesus. I first met him when I was 8 years old. I remember it like it was yesterday. He said He loved me, and that He would always be there for me. That He would carry me through the tough times, not that I wouldnt experience tough times. So I accepted his love. But I soon forgot about him. How could I not? My family didnt know him, and I couldnt see him, I only felt him.

Fast forward to 2006, I finally answered the door of my heart, and asked Jesus if we could try this thing out again. Because I had tried all these other things, places and people that claimed to know love, and claim to know how to love....but they didnt. And I was tired of searching. And so we started this romance, and it all seemed to fall into place with him...but at home, not so much.
My 12 year relationship, had finally taken its toll, and after trying to make things work I finally gave up. I now know that 5 years into the relationship it was over. But I didnt want to end up like my parents. The man who loved me for 12 years, tried his best. But his best was not the best for ME.

Today, I have a man who loves me like God created us to love one another. Unconditionally. I am reminded of 1 Corinthians 13:1-13
¹ If I speak in the tongues^[a] of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. ² If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. ³ If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,^[b] but do not have love, I gain nothing.
⁴ Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵ It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶ Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷ It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
⁸ Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. ⁹ For we know in part and we prophesy in part, ¹⁰ but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. ¹¹ When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ¹² For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I am a resounding gong, a clanging cymbal. I am nothing, I have gained nothing.

Love is patient, I have not been patient with him.
Love is kind, I have not been kind to him.
It does not envy...I have envied his character.
It is not self-seeking...I can be very selfish, even when he doesnt think so.
It is not easily angered....why am I writing this blog? you already know the answer to this one.
It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres...God is good, he is all these things.

....so our assesment is? I am broken and I know nothing about love. Not the love that Christ called us to live out. Not now, perhaps it is in there, deep down inside, but push the right buttons and Jesus goes right out the window.
Verse 10 says, "but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears" Oh that I would disappear!! So that Jesus would be seen in place of me. I want that, but my flesh wants something else. What is it exactly that is wants? it wants what it wants at the time, and sometimes, I am quick to oblige.

My conclusion is, love is the opposite of what I was taught, or not taught. The only reason I havent run for the hills, is because Jesus LOVES me. Just as I am. Broken. And his love, makes every battle worth going through, when I get to the end of myself...and that happens often, he always reminds me in some way or another, that he loves me. Who does that? who loves someone when they are bad? not anyone that I have ever known in the past. But God. And God, gave me a wonderful husband who loves me the way God loves me.

Isnt God amazing?

I leave you with this thought and I am speaking in pure faith here, everytime I fall to pieces God is going to lift me up with his love because he said so, and I will one day love like God does, and no longer will I be a resounding gong, or a clanging cymbal, I will have everything, I will have gained love.
I will be a beautiful harmony to accompany my husband as he leads...

¹³ And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Writing, Wisdom and this World....Oh My.

2010-10-30T19:16:00.000-07:00

I have this dream. A dream that perhaps should have come true a long time ago, perhaps its begun, but I haven't been able to tell. If so, I need someone to wake me up.I have this crazy dream, that somehow what I put on paper will make a difference in someone's life. That maybe what I write, will touch someone, will inspire someone, will wake someone up from the stupor of this dreary world that is self-seeking. As the days, and weeks come and go, I come up with all these little tidbits of knowledge and wisdom that God gives me depending on our conversation and whats going on in me. I am always looking for inspiration, and books always do that, however, many times I feel like I don't have the vocabulary skills to write what I understand from a book, or the Bible. I understand it, but I cannot verbalize the revelation that I receive from God. So this is my attempt to pour some of those things He has poured into me lately.

God has a wonderful, and amazing way of speaking. The thing is, when he speaks, its like He speaks volumes with only a sentence or a couple of words, or sometimes its in the form of an idea, a vision, or a simple yes or no. But Gods communication is nothing like ours, and yet this language He speaks, is the language of love. It is never scolding, or mad, or hurtful, or judgmental. It is perfect. I know that I will never in this flesh, be able to speak the way He does. But the closer I get to him, and the more I surrender areas of my life, my language starts to sound like His. It is tender, and loving, and non-judgmental. Sometimes, I am completely in my flesh, and the old me comes out....and it is not pretty. Its actually wretched by God standards.

What is amazing and what brings me to my knees, is not that the Holy Spirit makes me feel bad, or condemns me, in fact it is quite the opposite, He reminds me how much he loves me, how he loved me before I was born, how he loved me, and died for me, knowing all the awful things I would do, and say, and think, and when He does that, I look into myself, and I know more and more how I need his salvation and mercy EVERY DAY. His words tenderize my heart, in a way that no man can or ever will. As a result, my heart comes back to the place of repentance, and realization once again, that I am nothing without him. That I can only make a difference when my eyes, and heart are on him.

I have eyes to see the world, and its not pretty, but most importantly, the eyes of my heart are open to the ugliness of this world, and the condition of mans heart without Jesus. And its not pretty. Its quite horrid, self absorbed, self involved, rude, perverted, and so very lost. This is not to say that there is no beauty in the world, I see people looking to satisfy their own desires. But why is it that I see things this way? I know I am not the only one that sees what I see, because I have been given the mind of Christ, but sometimes I become imbalanced, and my heart becomes sad, then angry, then I become the same as everyone else. Suddenly I see with my heart, but I start to lose hope in humanity, and I wonder, "Why did God save us?, are we really worth it? I asked my husband this question, and he said, "there must be something worth redeeming if God sent his son to die for us." Perhaps that is the case, and perhaps its just God carrying out his plan of refining us, of separating the wheat from the chaff. He is God. His grace and his mercy is the reason why this world is still turning.

God not only loves us as we are, broken, jaded, and lost, but He wants to save us from ourselves with his love. God is love....do you hear me? God IS LOVE, he doesn't just love, but He is love.
The love that we seek in things, and in food, and in relationships, and in friendships, We are really seeking Him, his love, Him. We have eternity etched in our hearts, and we have a hole in our spirit that only God can fill. There are many knock offs of Gods love out there. Out in the streets of this world, there are those that will sell you anything to make you think this is what you need. Everyday we are bombarded with someone new, and I'm not talking about Advertisement, I'm talking about the enemy of our souls. He is the one that presents us with the fruit that most closely resembles that which we seek to complete us. "This will fulfill you, this will satisfy you. This will give you purpose." But its all a fake. Nothing can compare to the real God. No, not the real thing, the Real God. I say this because all of these things I mention have become gods to us. We have put our jobs, our families, our money, our hobbies, our causes on a pedestal, and we have allowed these things to drive us, to give us purpose. But as Jesus said, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world, but forfeit his own soul? Now, don't get me wrong, God has given us many good things that he wants us to enjoy while we are here, but He wants us to put Him first,and others before ourselves.

God called us to leave our fleshly passions behind and pursue His Kingdom, and therein lies true life. That is true love. Not what this society thinks of as love. Love is not self-seeking. If it were, more people would stay married. That's why the divorce rate is so high, because at some point people stop receiving what they thought was love. All the attention they used to receive when the relationship is brand new wears off, and the lust and fire wears off, there is nothing left. All there is, is a shell of a person who is tired of giving. And so they give up. That is not what God intended.

Gods Kingdom is about love. His Kingdom is about giving it all away. He gave His son. Can you imagine loving someone so deeply that you would send your son to die for that person? That is love. God calls us to forsake the things we love on this earth, which as temporal, and to love His ways, which leads to eternity.
Lose yourself in Christ, and you will find true life, true love, and your identity. The world will be a better place for it.

My life so far...

2010-10-25T20:15:00.000-07:00

Its been a while since I last posted anything on my blog. A lot of wonderful things happen daily, so its hard to keep count of the many blessings I receive, those blessings keep me busy. Having said that, the last couple of weeks have been quite hectic. This month has been a very emotionally draining month, both in the natural and the spiritual. Were in the process of finding out if my son has A.D.D. and being the woman of faith that I am, its been hard to accept or even consider that my son could possibly have this condition.

What is ADD?
Attention Deficit Disorder, or ADD/ADHD, is a psychological term currently applied to anyone who meets the DSM IV diagnostic criteria for impulsivity, hyperactivity and/or inattention. The diagnostic criteria are subjective and include behavior which might be caused by a wide variety of factors, ranging from brain defects to allergies to giftedness. ADD, as currently defined, is a highly subjective description, not a specific disease.

As a woman of faith and one who believes in miracles, and walking on the Isaiah 53 promise that we are healed by his stripes, I've been having a hard time understanding or even considering that this is something that is happening to my family.
So I have been praying, and seeking God in the matter, and the more I read, and the more I speak with other christian moms, the more I realize that this is test God wants us to go through. I told God that I would not accept a lie from the enemy, but I also understood that He was in control of everything and if he wanted us to go through this for his glory then I would accept it, and do the best I could do for my child with His help.

So these are the general signs of someone who has ADD "Inattentiveness" :

There are two major types of ADD at this time (this aspect of ADD keeps evolving): ADD with hyperactivity (the traditional type of ADD) and ADD without hyperactivity ("inattentive" type). Here are the DSM IV diagnostic criteria in a condensed form:
Inattention (must meet six of the following to a degree that is "maladaptive"):

Often fails to give close attention to details or makes mistakes in schoolwork;
difficulty sustaining attention in tasks;
seems not to listen;
fails to follow instructions or finish work;
unorganized;
difficulties with schoolwork or homework;
loses things like school assignments, books, tools, etc.;
easily distracted;
forgetful about daily activities.

...he pretty must has all of these signs. So now, that I see the signs, the next thing is finding the right Dr. Someone who specializes in Child psychiatry. I have it down to 2 Doctors. So I am praying. Then I need to make an appointment for the evaluation.

The hardest part was talking to my son about what he may have. I wouldn't have told him, except one of his advanced classes teacher demoted him because she felt, she was not able to deal with him, and pretty much didnt give me an option otherwise...thats another story for another time. His reaction was not pleasant, and it broke my heart, but I didn't cry, I had to explain to him the possibilities of finding a solution to his inattentiveness, he is a highly intelligent child with much potential, and a great destiny inside of him that is ready to burst forth, and as a mother, my job is to make sure he has all the tools to reach those goals.
I knew I was raising him right, when his reaction was, I do NOT have ADD, the devil is a liar! I rebuke it in the name of Jesus. I have taught my son the Word of God, that we are to walk by faith and not by sight, but at this very moment I realized it was time for a new revelation. It was time to explain to him, that Gods ways were higher than our ways. That God sometimes allows trials and tribulations so that we can grow in our spirits. And through those trials, we are able to help others that are going through the same, or similar situations. I assured him that in the end Romans 8:28 says, That all things work for the good of those that love the Lord.

I laid in bed that night, as the Spirit of God spoke to me, and said, "You must go through this so that you can sympathize with those that you lay hands for, and pray for in your ministry" it made perfect sense. I was also reminded of my Pastor and his family who went through 6 months as outcasts in the city that they loved so much, and who God had given to them to touch and change. I have learned that when God send us into our promised land, there is always a battle before we can enter in. But we must not be afraid of the giants because God will go before us an drive them out. Not because of our goodness, but because of His mercy and love. We must simply trust and walk by faith in all trials we are presented with.

I should mention that a week prior to receiving the news from his teacher that he showed all the signs of ADD I received a word from God, that I would someday be working for him in ministry full time, and I was in position and in training through the Prayer/Healing/Deliverance Ministry. Not just that, but prior to that word, I went into a fast for 6 days, instead of being driven to the desert by the Spirit of God, the Spirit of God brought the desert TO ME. My husband left out of the State on a business trip, and my children went with their father. I turned off the TV for a week, and I prayed, I read, I sought my God so that he would tell me what His plan for my life was, and he answered. And ever since then, I have been obedient to His Spirit in my area of ministry. The blessings that overtake me daily, is more than I could ever imagine.

He has now given me a trial, but I am confident that He has a plan for me, and my son, and the village that it takes to care for a child. My husband has been such a strong tower to me during these times. He sees what I see, and with his help, I know we will overcome, when I am weak, he and my God will carry me through.

I dont know what God step by step plans for our family are, but I know they are plans to give us a hope and a future, plans to prosper us, and not to harm us. And for this revelation, and the many more to come, I give God all the glory. My friend and Savior Jesus, and His wonderful Holy Spirit will complete the good work they have begun in me.

I am a Liar.

2010-07-06T10:52:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I started to read the book "30 days to taming the tongue" and the first day has already pierced me and greatly convicted me. Every time I lied God would make me aware of it as soon as I stopped speaking,
and I would say sorry, but then go about my business as usual. But something started to happen. The Spirit started to really deal with me. I prayed that he would reveal to me the hidden dark things in my heart. I knew
that someone cannot produce "sweet water, and bitter water" from the same place. But I didn't think lying was really an issue for me. I was so wrong. This is what the Holy Spirit revealed.

"The Lord detests lying lips, but he delights in men who are truthful." -Proverbs 21:22.

God in his patience and tender mercy had been tugging at my heart about lying but I wasn't really listening even though I was praying that He would reveal areas of my life that needed to be surrendered to Him. For That I have had to repent. You might ask why I'm even sharing this with you, and there are two reasons, one is I feel God is saying I am not the only one that lies this way without giving it much thought, and It's time to
change iif we want a closer walk with the Father, and second, this is my way of putting into practice what God has said in James 5:16 "Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective."

The tongue is also a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole person,
sets the whole course of his life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell. -James 3:6

Upon reading it pierced my heart like never before because this time the Spirit brought to my memory the previous day and the two lies I told. The sad part about this whole thing is that I didn't lie for any other reason other than to possibly avoid hurting someone's feeling, or avoid some awkward moment. This is what is commonly called as a "white lie"and the world is the one who has determined that it's okay to lie to
protect something or someone from getting hurt. But God tells us in Romans 12:2,

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

But how can our minds be transformed? And why wasn't my mind being transformed?
Romans 8:6 says,
"The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace. Verse 9 says, "You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you."

So the problem wasn't that I wasn't praying or reading the Word, but it was my surrendering to the Spirit that I was missing out on because He lives IN me, but I wasn't allowing Him to work IN me. He kept showing me, and I kept saying I was sorry, but that was not enough. I had to understand that the Spirit was the only one that would be able to help me to overcome this problem, but I had to recognize that I had a problem
first. Who wants to admit that they are liars? I didn't. But it's the truth. I am a liar, and that's why Jesus came to die for me. Revelations 21:8 says, "But the cowardly, the unbelieving, the vile, the
murderers, the sexually immoral, those who practice magic arts, the idolaters AND ALL LIARS-their place will be in the fiery lake of burning sulfur. This is the second death."
I didn't understand the severity of my "little sin" after all, everyone lies. But God is a Just and Holy
God, and this is the standard that we need to look at ourselves in, not human standard. I needed to stand before the mirror of Gods perfect law and then, and only then would I see myself the way God sees me, and the way I truly am. A transgressor.

You may think that God isn't taking note of every little lie we say, but Jesus said in Matthew 12:36, "But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have
spoken." Now I know we are not under the law anymore, but just because we are walking in grace doesn't mean we can just sin, and ask for forgiveness and think everything is okay. We are held to a higher
standard now, we are children of the Most High, and as such we need to walk with integrity, pursuing righteousness, and with a humble heart. God is looking for pure hearts and I am looking for God to give me just that.

Father God, I thank you for shedding light into my darkened heart, for only you know everything that's inside. I thank you for sending your Son Jesus to die for all my sins; I thank you for your mercy and for your Holy Spirit who reveals all things. God help me to continue to walk in the words of Psalm 51:10 "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me." And help me to hide your word in my heart
so that I might not sin against you. In Jesus' precious name, Amen.

Written by: Melba Phillips

Red Is Love

2010-01-08T06:52:00.001-08:00

Red Is Love

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Lifestyles

2009-11-11T14:05:00.001-08:00

Lifestyles

Posted using ShareThis

Kids are back. God showed up in church, and seeking reminiscent feeling with a movie.

2009-11-01T17:30:00.000-08:00

So my kids are back from their cruise and they are back in my care, after being with their dad for over a week in the Cayman Islands, Cozumel, Mexico, and Jamaica just to name a few...you might think "they must be those rich type of people that take cruises yearly" or something..but that's far from the truth. As a matter a fact, neither my husband (not the children s daddy) have ever been in a cruise.We actually don't take vacations, partly because we don't have the finances to do so, and partly because we enjoy breaking up our 2 weeks vacation days throughout the year to break the monotony, and mainly because our life here is good. We serve God daily and that fulfills us so much we dont really feel like we need to "get away" from our daily lives, as a matter a fact a few days ago my husband and I were saying how we dont have bad days, more like bad moments but in general we feel blessed and walking in daily with God makes ALL the difference in our every day life...but getting back to what I was saying... I honestly don't like the idea much of being stuck in a boat much, I like my home, my bed, knowing that I have access to my DVR, my laptop, my books, and my church. But I did not want to rob the experience from my children, one because I did want them to enjoy the ocean, two I like that they spend time with their grandparents, cousins, and aunts, and part because deep down inside I wish as a kid my parents would have taken me on a cruise, so maybe I like vicariously through them in some way. My son who is 10 years old, has a little bit of a tan, and my daughter who is 4 has braids all over her head from a nice Jamaican lady who grandma thinks she paid too much money because they did loose braids instead of corn rolls (she didn't know that's what they were called) either way, my daughter thinks they are the coolest thing, and my son seems to have met a little girl who asked for his address to write to him...how cute, his first crush. They ate a lot of food, and had a wonderful time over all, oh yeah and they brought me a T-shirt from Mexico (seeing as how I'm Mexican they figured I would appreciate that) I just missed looking at their faces, and watched them intently as they told me all about their adventures as they my son became lost in an elevator, and almost got lost in Jamaica...not really but he thought he did for a split second, and we all know how that can seem like you were lost for a long time when you are a child and scared. Only thing that I was a little irked about was that he didn't finish all his homework while he was on the cruise..but who thinks of homework when you're on a cruise right? not dad, or auntie who happens to be a teacher..but I digress.

On another note, God showed up in an awesome way in church this morning. I fell to my knees as his glory filled the temple quite literally. My spirit could sense his angels and his magnificence come in as we all cried out to him, and fell to our feet in awe of his infinite love for us, nothing mattered at that moment, not our bills, not our sicknesses, or even our sins. It was just God and his ferocious love showering us and touching the deepest part of spirit and soul. There are really no words to describe the experience. I just know He was there, and his presence alone brought me to my knees, and the confirmation of his presence came when almost like a wave, i heard the crowd of people start from one end of the congregation to the other. I was awes, and cries, and praises, it was the sound of freedom, it was the sound of chains being broken, of hearts being healed, of spirits being touched by God to never be the same. Including me.

So to end this blog God has been speaking to me about change. Little changes, daily changes, and big changes, the process of, and the result of change. At times I feel like I havent changed much, but then God reminds me that I am not who I used to be 3 years ago, or 2 months ago, or a week ago..but in other areas I find that I go back into my old ways, and they are subtle, and sometimes no one notices them, except Him and I, and I struggle, and I feel defeated when I think I had overcome it and find myself in the same position I used to be. Whats different this time is that despite the fact that I still struggle with moving forward in some area of my life, He shows me that this time its different because I know about his love and grace more than before. And ALL things work for the God of those that love the Lord.. and I do love Him so. So I trust Him that He WILL complete the good work in me that He started, and that He chose me. He knows my beginning and my end, he knows why I do, and dont do certain things, and I can rest in that. I can rest in knowing that I am going THROUGH this, but I Won't stay in this position for long.. and that he has a plan and a purpose, and he is in control and he will use everything in my life so that I can sympathize, and be compasionate to other peoples situation because God wants me to tell other people of his goodness. So glory be to God and His will be done.

About 5 years ago, I went through some tough times with my separation from my first husband and it was one of the most painful experiences in my life, but that experience allowed me to see how strong God made me, and it made me cry out to him when there was no one there to help me through. At times I thought I wouldnt make it through, the pain was so intense, I felt like I was going to die from the pain in my heart that my husband then left me. But that situation made me turn to God for help, and He did. He showed me that the things that we think we want and need is not necesssarily what he wants for us. Now 5 plus years later, remarried to the man of my dreams, my mate, my best friend, I see that situation in a whole different light, i came out stronger, smarter, closer to God, and I am now able to speak to women who find themselves in that situation and let them know God has a plan, God is in control, and God is ALL they need. No man is ever going to satisfy, and we need to learn to lean only on God and in his infinite wisdom.
I am in awe how the most imperfect person you are the better it is..because then you know its not you doing the work, it His Spirit and by his grace. I am broken, and He loves to use me... What more can I say? He is Good and His mercy endures forever.

Lastly, Ive been noticing lately that I have been wanting to find a movie that would just excude or produce a certain kind of feeling, and I just cant quite pin point it, i keep thinking of movies that made me feel warm inside when i first saw them, and I know I didnt want to see an old movie that I had already seen, I wanted something new.. so I found 500 days of Summer. It was sweet, and sad, and melancholic, and real. But it was just a movie, its not real life, so I asked the Holy Spirit why do I keep wanting to find a movie that will give me a certain feeling? what am I missing? I am missing something, and Im sure he is going to tell me any minute, or day..probably tomorrow..He is really awesome and usually answers me within 2 days or so.. not that God is predictable, its just the type of relationship He and i have. But due to wanting to feel a certain way, I have been listening to The Smiths, and this one song called "Sweet disposition" by the Temper Trap (ironic) but thats all just temporarily..maybe im just not feeling like my hubby is giving me the attention I need, or maybe I need to be in Gods presence more.. its funny because I just got off a 43 day fast...and ive been filling myself with food, and movies, but its not satisfying.. i know the solution is God, worship, and his presence, but when I get out of His presence the void starts to form..what do I do about that when I work 40 hours a week, and have all these other responsibilities..i live a torn life often times, what with doing housework, working, spending time with my kids, spending time with hubby, and trying to find the time to write. sigh.. these feelings wont last im sure. I prayed, and he is always faithful. well folks, these are my thoughts.. I dont know if this will help anyone in getting closer to the Father, or maybe it will just give you hope that you arent the only one that has many emotions going on at the same time, but he is always faithful, and one things for certain He always answers to those that seek him with all their hearts.

In Christ,

-Joy

2009-10-28T09:41:00.000-07:00

O’ God, You are my hearts cry
Let me be swept away in your majesty
In your mercy let me be lifted higher.

I long to be consumed by you my King
You are my hearts desire
You are the one I long to touch.

May your Spirit consume me
May I ascend into your presence Father.

Be gracious to me O’ God
For every breath comes from you
And for your glory!

I long to see your face and touch your heart with my love
Obeying you is my delight Father

Wont you take me to your Holy mountain?
Where it will only be you and me alone
Dancing to the tune of your love

Showered in your peace O” my King
My heart longs to be before your throne
And under the shadow of your wings

I choose to take your hand Father
for you are the lover of my soul
Nothing satisfies like you do O’ God.

I am in awe and
Humbled in the knowledge of your great and infinite love for me.
All consuming love, purify me!

You are the light of my path and
My strength to move forward.

You’re the light to my eyes and
The truth that I seek day and night.

May I be led by your Spirit and
not the darkness of this world
For you are the great I am.

My banner in time of battle.
I will not fear anything
If you’re by my side O' God

Armed with your sword and your love
I will walk closer to you each day.

Those that do not know you
Do not understand you
But I am one of the chosen few
Chosen to worship, love and serve you
forever.

Take my heart Father
and dwell in this temple.

Awareness:Human Trafficking-Exodus Cry.

2009-10-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

WHAT IS HUMAN TRAFFICKING

Human trafficking is the industry that generates commerce by transporting actual people. While this practice does have legal expressions, mostly it is a term used by advocacy groups to describe the nefarious practice of abduction and bondage that goes hand in hand with Modern-day Slavery. There are tens of billions of dollars generated each year by the illegal transport and sale of human beings, making it is the fastest growing criminal industry in the world. And since this industry thrives by exploiting impoverished people, and is exacerbated by the growing appetite worldwide for human slaves under a variety of names, this problem is fundamentally understood as an economic problem. (Tidbit from the website www.Exoduscry.com )

Martin Luther King said:
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."

Saturday afternoon I went to a Seminar called "Exodus Cry" and I was made aware on a much larger scale of how severe this problem is. My heart was hurting from the moment I started to listen to what was being done to these impoverished women and children all over the world. The thing is, its not just happening in other Countries...its happening here in the States as well. I never understood why I cared so much about anyone who is being abused, or hurt, but upon taking this class I was so affected and asked God to tell me how I could help. To give you an idea of how bad human trafficking is I'll tell you what the gentleman that was teaching said, "The FSU stadium fits about 85,000 people, so imagine 300 stadiums full is the amount of people that are being trafficked here today in the world all together!!! I was blown away by these numbers.

I always wondered why I cared so much for people that are homeless, abused children, human trafficking etc.. any sort of abuse just hurts me deeply. I used to get upset that I noticed a homeless man, and no one wanted to help him or how people have become so desensitized over the things that happen in other countries because it doesn't affect their environment, or its too far for it to feel real. But in this class I discovered that I am a worshipper, an intercessor, and I care for justice for everyone, these are the 3 main things that makes Exodus Cry- or what they call an Intercessory Abolitionist. Wow!

So I say all this to say that I have been praying about this, and doing some soul searching.. What is the point of having a heart for such a huge problem? what can I do? God said I can pray.. normally my fleshly self would think "my prayer cant do much to something so much bigger than me?" but that's what i would have said if it wasnt because God has been teaching me these past couple of weeks, even before the seminar the power of prayer..my prayer. (I know youre prayer is powerful, but God needed to show me MY prayer was powerful and real) Now, I have been interceding for people now for a couple of years, and sometimes I have had the privilege of seeing Gods hand in their matter. But this time God has been showing me how effective, and real, and speedily God works when we pray for something or someone. For example, a couple of weeks ago, a dear friend of mine called me in the late evening to ask me to pray for her because she was on her way the hospital. I said yes of course, whats wrong? she didnt want to tell me because she was not ready to talk about it at that time, knowing that God knows all things, my friend, my husband and I begin to pray. We soon got off the phone, and my husband and I prayed for a little while longer and covered her child, her pregnancy, her family, and finally her. She later called me that night (I was asleep by then) and told me she was okay, she was so calm, and told me that she was sorry for not telling me what was going on when she called because she wasnt ready to deal with the reality of her possible miscarriage.

At this very moment the Spirit told me that He interceded due to our prayer. I was very happy to hear that she was okay, and that the bleeding had stopped. She came back to work, and she mentioned to several friends and co-workers that she is convinced the reason why she didnt miscarry is because I prayed for her while on her way to the hospital, but I know this is a three part doing, One it was Gods will, two I prayed, and three she had faith. Unfortunately a week later while at work she started to bleed severely again. It was a traumatic experience for the few that saw what was happening. She was taken to the hospital by our boss, and after helping her to the car, I ran to the bathroom, locked the door behind me and started to intercede and ask God to help her situation. She stayed overnight and the Dr. stated that if she didnt stop bleeding by the morning they were going to perform a "D&C" which is basically an abortion. I knew God didnt want this, but in his infinite wisdom He had a plan for her, and myself as well. For her, I believe God is showing her that He is real, and He cares for her, and in the process she became closer to the Father, and increased her faith, and he increased my faith, and made me realize the power of prayer on a much personal level. He told me He wanted me to know that my words make a change in circumstances because I pray according to His will. I know the Fathers will and when I stand in agreement with Him, He will move the mountains. Today I am happy to say that she is still pregnant, hasnt bled, and even though she is on bedrest, I believe God will allow for her to carry to term. God is good, and His will shall be accomplished.

So today I know that even though this problem in the world is a HUGE issue for me..its not for Him. He wants to use me to pray so that He will send his mighty army of angels to infiltrate into the darkness that is out there and bring speedy justice to a cause that only He can relieve. I am glad to be His servant. Another thing to note is that God didnt choose me to pray about this because I am any different than you, he knows that I am human and I fall short of his glory but my heart attitude is all He cares about and all He needs to accomplish His will on earth. Another thing is that its not just me that is praying for this matter, there are countless other christians out there that God has ignited their hearts to pray along with me, and no I dont know them, but the Spirit of God does, and He knows when to tell us, pray, or fast for this matter. We dont have to convince God to move in this area, He already does, and He simply is asking us to partner with Him. My heart beats for Justice because He gave me His heart. I am merely human, and if it wasnt for Him, I wouldnt care for this, but He chose for me to feel this, and I am grateful. Even when it hurts, even when I am up late at night praying, even when he tells me to fast for weeks at a time, I am here, I am his tool, his servant, and when He gives us a task, he will supply all we need to accomplish what he wants. That includes the fire, the commitment, the words, and even the prayers that come up to Him..it all comes from the Holy Spirit.

Luke 18:1-8 is an interesting parable, it talks about a judge that brings about justice. What stood out to me the most was verse 7: " And will not God bring about justice for his chosen ones, who cry out to him day and night? will he keep putting them off? and 8. I tell you, he will see that they get justice, and quickly" I used to wonder before I knew much about God, "Why does he allow so much bad stuff to happen?" the thing is, sin is running rampant all over, and He in his infinite mercy, is allowing everyone the chance to repent and turn to Him before the rest of the Bible is fulfilled, this means that we the saints are supposed to be living righteous lives, praying for these causes, and sharing the Gospel. But instead were sitting around worried about our own little troubles, like how were going to pay our bills, or worshipping money and just striving towards getting more material things, for our own personal selish cause. This is not to say you shouldnt have a nice car, a house, or other nice things, but if you're heart is for God He will supply all of our needs. I like to live by the Word of God that says "Seek first the Kingdom of God, and all things shall be added" Here lies the answer to all of our problems, and the problems of the World, It is the perfect cycle of life. It tells us that if we seek God, He will reveal himself to us, and show us how to live righteous lives, he will give us wisdom, and life, and while we are here we would lack nothing. But instead we are so consumed with consuming and living selfish lives, and having selfish motives, and we wonder why the world gets worse and worse?! its because we dont agree with God in changing things.

We can become activists for some cause that rings true to you,and that will just be a temporal change, but nothing is going to really change, unless we pray and commune with the Father.

A true activist, a true abolitionist is one that is seeking Gods face in the matter. Wont you pray and ask God what cause should you be praying for? for me, God has blown the hammer on my heart and I will never be the same.

God comes to the Ballet

2009-10-27T10:31:00.000-07:00

I have been writing for a long time,and have many notebooks to show for it. Recently i have been looking for ways to express myself and do it in an organized way, someone mentioned this blog site and so I decided to try it out. A few days ago I showed my husband three journals that Ive been carrying with me, along with my Bible, and about 20 pens and markers, and as a result I am convinced this is why I am having to go the Chiropracter today (I carry about 2-4 books at a time as well--yes call me bag lady) See I like to write my thoughts, things that are happening around me, things that affect me, poetry, creating "To Do" lists, but most importantly what God is speaking into my life. A lot of times when he speaks or I see something He wants me to take note of impacts me so much that it inspires me to write a poem or two. Being a poet is difficult, its hard to sort out feelings, or put them in order for that matter...and that's hard for me to do, because my mind races a million miles a minute. Whats interesting to me is that lately I have been working at slowing down my thought process, I am searching through the help of the Holy Spirit to show me what I should ponder on and research further, and what I should just let go.

I'll start with my recent experience with God. I recently participated in a three day Art Expo called "Expressions" which was done at my Church home "Christian Heritage Church" in Tallahassee. It was all very nice, and I even read one of my poems on stage this saturday, and was given a spontaneous interview on what our Ministry "Free Verse" was all about. All that was really nice however, what really took me to another level was God wonderful presence at the Ballet on Saturday night!... I know, I know what you're thinking "Ballet?!" yes!and no it was not secular Ballet, like the Nutcracker, this was Ballet Magnificat! first let me say that I have never been to the Ballet and I was lukewarm about the whole thing from the time they announced it at church. However, being that my husband and I were volunteers, we received free tickets to go. Since we are both lovers of Any form of Art we decided to try it out... From the moment it started and the women in their beautiful blue flowing dresses came out, God came out with them. I have to say that normally in order for me to feel the presence of God I've had to have been an active participant in the process.. but this time it was different. He came to me. He brought his love, and his glory to me. He came down from His throne and touched my heart.

The women, which I am convinced were angels, as they danced on stage and expressed the words that were being sung by some of the these Christian artists, I was in awe, I could see Gods beauty in every gesture, jump, and twirl they did. They were dancing for God in a way that can only be described as magnificent. Even as I type these words I sigh from the love I felt when I was watching this play out. These women were not just performing, they were praising God, and they in turn ministered to us in a way that puts both and my husband and I on another level. What is most interesting to me, is how God touched all of our hearts that night.He came down and met us, I wasnt even thinking "were going to worship God tonight, I was thinking these women are Christian, and they dance, lets see how something different" but it was more than just dancing! It was God himself showing an even more tender side of Himself (I know, how much tender can he be? mushy tender, make me cry like a baby tender, he is ferocious in his love for us) I have to say that I was a little sad when I saw that not everyone from our church was there, because they missed God coming down to meet us that night. I never would have thought that God would have touched me THROUGH Ballet so deeply. I was in tears the from the moment it started until it ended. I took out my Blackberry and filmed a couple of clips, but it doesnt capture what was going on in the spirit realm, I am sure God broke some walls in the heart that night. I cant wait to see them again.